Don't Forget This At Your Wedding! (A list of the things couples forget to plan for)
Wedding planning is notoriously time consuming.
There are a million things to plan for and think about, a million people who have questions, a million things to buy. Or…at least it feels that way sometimes. It’s easy to forget some of the details - let me remind you of the ones most often forgotten.
1. Plan to eat lunch!
It’s really normal to start the day with mimosas or brunch. Dinner is often served at the reception. There is cake to look forward to. Nevertheless - you need to have lunch planned. Don’t go 7 hours without eating on a notoriously stressful day. You need some carbs or protein to help prevent you from accidentally yelling at the flower girl or caterer. Or, instead of yelling, accidentally crying. Accidentally panic taking your hair down. These are all things I’ve seen. Do yourself a favor - plan a lunch of some sort and take the time to eat it.
2. Bring a fancy hanger for your dresses!
If you are wearing a gown and you plan to have your photographer take photos of the wedding gown or bridal party dresses, bring nice hangers. Most bridal shops - even the fancy ones - use inexpensive plastic hangers. If you don’t want those hangers in the photos, get some nice ones for the dresses!
3. Ask your officiant to step aside for your first kiss.
Obviously, I am biased toward this as a wedding photographer. I always get permission from the couple to chat with their officiant about this. The reality of a first kiss shot is that it is one of the moments you might want to hang in your house. If your officiant is in the background for your vows or your ring exchange, that is probably okay because those photos rarely get put on canvas and hung in your house. Your first kiss, however, will be. If your officiant is willing to step to the side, it makes the moment much more photographable! I first became aware of this when I went to hang the photo from my own first kiss. My wedding was lovely and I adore my photographer, but the first kiss shot isn’t hung in my house because you can clearly see my officiant standing there, grinning and watching us smooch. It’s a bit odd!
4. Get your rings cleaned! And don’t forget to bring them.
I wish I could say I’ve never photographed a wedding where the rings were forgotten. That would not be true. The rings are often forgotten and it’s okay! Each time this has happened, I’ve walked into the crowd and asked to borrow one from a wedding guest for the ceremony. It’s worked out always, but it would still be better if you remembered to bring your rings.
I bring ring cleaner to weddings but even my best ring cleaner doesn’t hold a candle to the way that your ring supplier can clean your rings. They will sparkle best when cleaned a few days before your ceremony.
5. Have a plan for kids - including if they are invited or not.
You are not required to have kids at your wedding. You are not required to have them at your reception. Let me tell ya, my reception hall had a 175 people max and I did not want to limit the friends I invited because there were some kiddos in the room. I realize this sounds harsh to kid lovers, but I figured this was the most expensive party I would ever throw and I wanted it to be fun! We had no ring bearer, no flower kids. A couple from my husband’s side did bring their baby. Obviously, we didn’t toss them out or anything like that, but when their baby started loudly crying in the middle of the ceremony, I was so distracted. So, as a reminder, you are allowed to make the rules on whether or not kiddos can come.
If you are planning a no-kid wedding, make sure you have made this absolutely clear from the invitations. I know it would be nice to believe that if you address a wedding invitation to “Jack and Jill,” they will know not to bring little Jack Jr. and Jill Jr. That said, your friends and family with kids are used to packing their peeps along with them everywhere - so if you don’t want to have kids at your wedding, you need to have that written on the invitations. Also, you are absolutely allowed to do this. Your wedding is costly and kids add costs. Additionally, no kid should be forced to see adults drink tequila and do the wobble, so you are really saving them from some childhood trauma. Make sure you’ve clearly defined what a kid is in your invitation with a line like “While we love your kiddos, this is an adult only affair. We request that all guests are over the age of fifteen.” or go a step further with a specific note and request to the families with kiddos with something like “We adore Max, Melanie, and Mason, but due to venue restrictions we are unable to accommodate kids at the ceremony and reception. We hope you will come and celebrate!”
If you are happy to have kiddos at your wedding, you need to plan for them! Have a table with games, crayons, and snacks! Ask your caterer if they can make a kids menu with mac and cheese or chicken nuggets! If you were only planning to serve beer, wine, and water, make sure to add lemonade to the menu!
6. Make your plan and do your research for tipping
I used to be a barista and after that, I was an event bartender. Because of these things, I am an especially good tipper. I am not asking you to be me, I am simply asking you to consider ahead of time who needs to be tipped. Do your research.
In my experience, you are not expected to tip the business owners, just their employees. Of course, if you are blown away by gratitude, a tip will always be appreciated. In fact, I once cried over a tip because the bride and groom made me feel more like a beloved family member than a hired staff. Regardless, this rule of thumb means that you do not need to tip the photographer! It usually means you won’t need to tip the DJ. The food, however, is usually staffed by a small team of employees and it’s great to tip them. Same goes for the team who does your hair. Check your contract - if your venue includes a serving staff, a gratuity might be written into the contract and no additional tip is necessary.
Figure it out ahead of time, get your cash together in labeled envelopes, and do it early enough in the night that it’s not forgotten or ask someone else to do it for you! If you have a wedding coordinator or a father of the groom or a best friend, ask them to be in charge of getting the envelopes to the right people.
7. Last tip - Chose the venue carefully! I have recommendations.
While there are some venues you might love already, make sure you select the venue that accommodates your long-term plans for your wedding.
If your venue only has the space for 175 people, make sure that you only plan to invite that many guests! Check the maximum capacity of the venue.
Make sure you are aware of when you expect the party to quiet down. If your friends love a good reception, choose a venue that won’t require you to be out by ten. Make sure your venue’s rules for deadlines make sense for the type of reception you plan to throw!
Before you book your venue, make sure you understand the rules for lighting. If your plan for your reception includes candles or a sparkler sendoff, make sure you know which venues allow these things! A lot of venues do not allow sparklers or candles.
Check the cancelation policy. Make sure you understand what is included in the price - including if tables and chairs will be included, set up and torn down. Make sure you know whether or not you have to provide your own bartender.
Remember, the perfect venue isn’t perfect if it doesn’t accommodate all your wedding plans!
I go to dozens of weddings a year, so I’ve seen a lot. I hope these tips help you plan the perfect wedding!